for the record, i don't actually hate the baby. i love her. it was a bad night for us. she got up very often and fussed a whole lot every time she went back to bed. the combination of not having adequately slept since she was born (or before that, even, because of the heartburn!) plus worrying about why she was so fussy sent me right into horrible tears. J had 3 exams this morning, so i didn't want to wake him up to help. there wasn't anything he could really do, anyway.
being a parent is friggin HARD. and she's just being a normal baby. wow this is going to suck a lot when she's sick or teething. all i could think of last night was how little good there is about this so far. no sleep (and i LOVE sleep so i miss it dearly), dirty diapers, sore nipples... in the wee hours of the night it's hard to remember anything that makes this all worthwhile.
i wish i could follow this up with 'and then...' something happened and 'i knew it was all worth it.' there's just nothing good about a newborn. i feel like a bad person. i love That Baby. it's just so hard.
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7 comments:
You're doing great but if you think this is hard, wait till you have number two. I do think I remember you saying you were already wanting another one, care to take that back now? lol..it's ok.
{{ hugs }}
Aw, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with it, cq. I don't have a clue about babies or parenting, but I hear it not only gets easier, but that you are rewarded ten-fold.
I will leave you with the best advice my mom ever gave me: "This too shall pass." (It's an oldie, but a goodie!)
~ EmRB
CQ, I appreciate your candor. You're right, in the beginning, you get almost nothing out of it. No smiles, no appreciation, no sleep...etc. (I have twins, BTW) I admire that you are still nursing, despite the pain. All I can say is that in a couple months you will wonder how you lived life without her. Seeing her light up at the sight of you will help, and also, getting more sleep (eventually) will do wonders for the psyche.
Hang in there! {{hugs}}
I'm sorry I posted about my 14 hours of sleep.
kinda
Also, I have no kids, but from the outside looking in, I just think it looks so damn hard. People think it is worth it, but it doesn't mean it still isn't really difficult.
Just don't feel guilty that it isn't sunshine and roses.
It is hard. But you do get something good - that sweet newborn smell. It disappears soon, ya know.
*smooch*
I feel for you. Really. One day at a time. Take advantage of the quiet times and the cuddly times. Motherhood is the toughest job ever!
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