here are pix to keep you happy. you have all been so patient! :)
Thursday, June 29, 2006
next weekend!
next weekend is the peep meet. i can't believe it came up so fast! we are very excited. trust me, alex is excited. a mother always knows.
here are pix to keep you happy. you have all been so patient! :)
here are pix to keep you happy. you have all been so patient! :)
Monday, June 19, 2006
breastfeeding
today, i am totally hating on breastfeeding.
bad idea. never should've done it.
the benefits can't possibly outweigh the bad.
alex won't take a bottle at all. and my current plan (plan b) is to just let her scream her head off all day when she goes to daycare in september. not my problem. i don't have to listen to it. i just have to suffer all night long as she makes up for lost time during the days. whatever. sounds easier than plan a, which was to try easing her into a bottle.
i feel like breastfeeding was a big huge idiotic mistake. i wasn't breastfed. nobody i know was breastfed, in fact, and they're all fine. what's the point of this? all it has done so far is put tons and tons of the responsibility on my shoulders. responsibility to eat right, keep not smoking, not drink alcohol, etc. responsibility to get up with her at night the first three months. responsibility to be the one she looks for whever she's hungry (which feels like it's a million times a day).
sure, it's convenient. no need to carry anything with us. i usually throw a diaper in my purse and that's about it. but come ON. this isn't fair.
and now that we've already ruined it (she *used* to take a bottle when she was 2 months, and now just refuses), it's too late. i'm stuck breastfeeding because she won't eat otherwise. and we have no plan because i absolutely MUST work come september. i can't just stay home with her or else i would. and i wouldn't even care about this breastfeeding issue.
i get no help, here, either. J's ridiculous excuse for not giving her a bottle up until now was that he just wanted to hold her, not hold her for a *purpose*. now his excuse is that she won't ever need a bottle during the day, and that's the only time he's home to do it. whatever. she won't take it from me, and he's no help, so any future kids are very likely just not going to be breastfed at all. i can't do *everything* all by myself.
bad idea. never should've done it.
the benefits can't possibly outweigh the bad.
alex won't take a bottle at all. and my current plan (plan b) is to just let her scream her head off all day when she goes to daycare in september. not my problem. i don't have to listen to it. i just have to suffer all night long as she makes up for lost time during the days. whatever. sounds easier than plan a, which was to try easing her into a bottle.
i feel like breastfeeding was a big huge idiotic mistake. i wasn't breastfed. nobody i know was breastfed, in fact, and they're all fine. what's the point of this? all it has done so far is put tons and tons of the responsibility on my shoulders. responsibility to eat right, keep not smoking, not drink alcohol, etc. responsibility to get up with her at night the first three months. responsibility to be the one she looks for whever she's hungry (which feels like it's a million times a day).
sure, it's convenient. no need to carry anything with us. i usually throw a diaper in my purse and that's about it. but come ON. this isn't fair.
and now that we've already ruined it (she *used* to take a bottle when she was 2 months, and now just refuses), it's too late. i'm stuck breastfeeding because she won't eat otherwise. and we have no plan because i absolutely MUST work come september. i can't just stay home with her or else i would. and i wouldn't even care about this breastfeeding issue.
i get no help, here, either. J's ridiculous excuse for not giving her a bottle up until now was that he just wanted to hold her, not hold her for a *purpose*. now his excuse is that she won't ever need a bottle during the day, and that's the only time he's home to do it. whatever. she won't take it from me, and he's no help, so any future kids are very likely just not going to be breastfed at all. i can't do *everything* all by myself.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
will and alex
The best good big brother holds his sister for the first time. We all went to the zoo earlier that day, 3 adults, two children. It was very nice to be in the same place at the same time, but also to get along and act like friends. What a day! Will wanted to show Alex all of the animals, but she mostly slept. Her first trip to the zoo and she didn't see a single animal! But we had fun, and Will is going to start spending the night next week! Alex adores Will... gets all excited and kicks when he talks to her... and Will loves babies. He's been asking his mom if they can have a baby at their house, too. LOL!
Alex asleep Memorial Day weekend at a BBQ by the Erie Canal. Yup, she rocks. This picture was posted specifically with the intent to feed weltek's "maybe I do want one" inner child. {eg}
Thursday, May 18, 2006
3 months today!
Alex is 3 months old today! And has now been sleeping through the night for over a week! :)
Friday, May 12, 2006
jinxing myself
i know this post is going to be a total jinx, but i'm so happy i have to brag! my little girl has slept 3 nights in a row all night long! 7 - 8 hours! it's so beautiful to sleep all night without being woken up for feedings... yay! here's a sleepy baby pic just to celebrate!
Friday, May 05, 2006
anti-bottle
not me. alex. i worked thursday night (i was gone a total of 4 hours. i subbed a 3-hour SAT class.) and alex basically starved herself until she couldn't stand it any more, and then =finally= caved in to the bottle.
so J says we should alternate breast and bottle because she was so bad at taking the bottle. (weird... about a month ago I left her with a bottle for even longer and she was absolutely fine)
so i'm sitting down to the hockey game. she is getting fussy and probably hungry. i make her a bottle.
she *hates* it.
she gagged on it and spit it out for half an hour before I finally gave up and just nursed her.
HOW am I supposed to believe this kid is ever going to be ready to go to daycare all day in another three months?
and now, back to watching the highlights of that sweet ass sabres win. wow.
so J says we should alternate breast and bottle because she was so bad at taking the bottle. (weird... about a month ago I left her with a bottle for even longer and she was absolutely fine)
so i'm sitting down to the hockey game. she is getting fussy and probably hungry. i make her a bottle.
she *hates* it.
she gagged on it and spit it out for half an hour before I finally gave up and just nursed her.
HOW am I supposed to believe this kid is ever going to be ready to go to daycare all day in another three months?
and now, back to watching the highlights of that sweet ass sabres win. wow.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
6 things
tagged by puffy...
Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself...
1. I still have flannel sheets on my bed.
2. In kindergarten, my IQ was 156.
3. I lock the baby in the car when I pump gas.
4. I wanted to be a pediatrician when I grew up.
5. I don't like pets.
6. I make lists for everything.
Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself...
1. I still have flannel sheets on my bed.
2. In kindergarten, my IQ was 156.
3. I lock the baby in the car when I pump gas.
4. I wanted to be a pediatrician when I grew up.
5. I don't like pets.
6. I make lists for everything.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
visiting the family via car
so alex, J, and I drove 6 hours sunday morning to be at my parents' for a palm sunday gathering. my mom's aunt and uncle and cousins were there. the latter also had their kids in tow. a total of 5 between the 2 of them.
it was nice. everyone was good... their kids got so big! we inherited six bags of clothes and two bags of shoes since the youngest girl is almost 2 now (and they're not having any more children --> tubes tied). i sorted through the clothes and put most of them away in my mom's attic for later.
everyone of course loved alex. i'm not sure if she's moved into a stage of being more awake, or if she was just in unfamiliar surrounding, but she barely slept while everyone was around.
even after having slept all day in the car and being awake all evening, she had a pretty good night. she slept with us in the guest room bed. she didn't want my mom's pack n play (leftover from my younger sister), so we just let her sleep with us. she got up twice, which was normal, and went back to sleep right after each feeding.
on the way back, yesterday (that's right... we drove down and spent one night. we left at noon to come home), she slept the entire way again. good baby.
i mean we woke her up halfway each trip to change and feed her, but other than that, she just slept.
now i want to live in the car. it seems to make babies sleep very well. so maybe i'll move out there each night so she will sleep the whole night.
it was nice. everyone was good... their kids got so big! we inherited six bags of clothes and two bags of shoes since the youngest girl is almost 2 now (and they're not having any more children --> tubes tied). i sorted through the clothes and put most of them away in my mom's attic for later.
everyone of course loved alex. i'm not sure if she's moved into a stage of being more awake, or if she was just in unfamiliar surrounding, but she barely slept while everyone was around.
even after having slept all day in the car and being awake all evening, she had a pretty good night. she slept with us in the guest room bed. she didn't want my mom's pack n play (leftover from my younger sister), so we just let her sleep with us. she got up twice, which was normal, and went back to sleep right after each feeding.
on the way back, yesterday (that's right... we drove down and spent one night. we left at noon to come home), she slept the entire way again. good baby.
i mean we woke her up halfway each trip to change and feed her, but other than that, she just slept.
now i want to live in the car. it seems to make babies sleep very well. so maybe i'll move out there each night so she will sleep the whole night.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
interviews
today i had two interviews. one was for the city schools, which just interview everyone so they have a pool of people in the event they have to hire someone. bleh. the other is this weird charter school that is basically like public military school (navy).
well, better than nothing, i guess. but still i'd rather work in the suburbs while i have a family. originally i wanted to teach urban kids because they need people who care. but now that i have a family i am being a little selfish because i fear they may need more than i can (or am willing) to give while having my own baby. but if i have to, i'll balance it all out. i'll just have to tow a baby around with me to all the functions... but that's a long way off, so i guess we needn't really worry about it just yet.
i won't hear back about these positions until summer, so i'm just going to forget about today.
but i will say this. i left the house at 7:30. alex ate at 6. come 10:30, i was dying. i should've brought the pump with me and used it in the bathroom. i had to bail at 11:00. my scheduled interviews were over, but i could have stuck around to get a 'standby' interview.
yeah, if my oobies weren't going to burst, maybe. oh, well.
well, better than nothing, i guess. but still i'd rather work in the suburbs while i have a family. originally i wanted to teach urban kids because they need people who care. but now that i have a family i am being a little selfish because i fear they may need more than i can (or am willing) to give while having my own baby. but if i have to, i'll balance it all out. i'll just have to tow a baby around with me to all the functions... but that's a long way off, so i guess we needn't really worry about it just yet.
i won't hear back about these positions until summer, so i'm just going to forget about today.
but i will say this. i left the house at 7:30. alex ate at 6. come 10:30, i was dying. i should've brought the pump with me and used it in the bathroom. i had to bail at 11:00. my scheduled interviews were over, but i could have stuck around to get a 'standby' interview.
yeah, if my oobies weren't going to burst, maybe. oh, well.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
jehovah
i am always very kind and conversational to the jehovah's witnesses. they come around every so often, giving me things to read and reading me inspirational passages from the bible. i really don't mind. they are respectful and nice. the two that usually show up, that is. we will call them suzie and lashonda.
today, lashonda was missing. and suzie showed up with a new person. we will call her petunia (that's right, like porky pig's girlfriend).
the fire alarm sirens are being 'tested' today, so when we can't really sustain a normal conversation level with them in the hallway and me in my doorway (which is the typical custom), i ask if they'd like to come in.
i mean, come ON. now you KNOW i'm nice. nobody invites these people into their homes.
it was all normal and good, and here is basically how everything got out of control very quickly.
suzie: well, how do you know your science books are true? didn't you read them to learn science?
cq: yes, but their ideas are repeatable. that is, i can take any idea in there and demonstrate that it works. and that is how i have learned science. you start off in the books as a springboard, but you then validate big ideas by experimenting and showing yourself that they work.
petunia: well, you can do that with the bible, too.
cq: really? please go ahead and tell me what experiment i can perform to validate a portion of the bible.
suzie: well have you ever read the bible?
cq: not all of it. parts. but not nearly all. it's boring.
petunia: it is SO not boring! it's inspiring!
cq: well, you have the right to feel that way and i have the right to feel that it's boring. i'm sure some people find science books boring, and that's fine, too.
petunia: well you can prove things in the bible like with your science books.
cq: yeah, you said. how can you do that? i'd love to see it.
petunia: well, it's like... i mean... you know, you really just have to read it. it's like a puzzle. you need to see how all the little pieces it together to make one big picture.
cq: yeah. i'm sure. okay. thanks.
suzie: well, we can test it by seeing if the advice in it applies to ALL people, because then it would be from god.
cq: or it could be from a person who really wants people to be good to each other.
petunia: well if you were a secretary, and your boss told you to type up this memo, and you wrote it up, would those be your words, or his?
cq: they would be his words that i typed...
petunia: and thus god's words were delivered to us through man as secretary.
cq: but you can't know that. you can't ever really completely know anything. i mean, don't you think it's even possible that someone wrote a book in the bible just because life on earth is crappy and he wanted to make people feel better about it?
petunia: no. absolutely not.
cq: see, i have a problem with 'absolutely not.' i think it's very troublesome to speak so confidently about the impossibility of something.
petunia: well, you just have to read the whole thing, and then you'd see.
then we get into a conversation about whether the world is getting better. they ask if the world is getting better, and i say in some respects, yes, it is. petunia was upset because apparently the answer to this question should have maybe involved the words "hell" and "handbasket." she tries to demonstrate for me that the world is actually much, much worse.
petunia: there are wars, diseases, kids bringing guns to school, murders, drugs...
cq: sure, well, when you put it like that...
somehow they talked about dying and stuff and i mentioned that i didn't believe people had to die but they could live forever if they wanted to. they misunderstood. they thought i meant some afterlife thing. nope, i mean, really, people don't have to die. i told them i think the reasons that people die can be overcome. i said people usually choose to die.
petunia: so people choose to get cancer?
cq: no, people choose to DIE from cancer.
petunia: you think you can live forever? for real?
cq: i said i just think it's possible that the reasons people die can be overcome. i think people get tired and bored so they give up, and die. and i also think we are expected to die. so we do. because everyone else has.
petunia: well i don't have to die.
cq: so you can live forever, then.
petunia: i believe i will live forever in the afterlife that god has created for us.
cq: well, that's nice. that's not what i mean, though.
and so basically i explain again and petunia, that's right, porky pig's girlfriend, LAUGHS AT ME. and the follows up with "i don't mean to laugh, but... you certainly have some interesting ideas."
cq: and so do you, but i'm not laughing at you. and i'm certainly not going to laugh at you in your own home, after being invited in after an unsolicited knock at the door. one might perceive such a thing as incredibly rude.
and so i am angry with petunia. should she show up again, i will ask her how she thinks she can fit in the eternal life. i mean, according to her own religion, 2,000 souls is the capcity of heaven. i'm sure more than 2,000 people have died before her. how will she prove to god that she is better, and that he should eject someone to make room for her? and how does she know that her spot is forever secure, that no other better soul will come along and have HER booted as she may have done to someone else?
bleh. i don't believe in god, and you do. fine. but don't laugh at me. that's rude. and besides, your idea is no less laughable than mine. at least i didn't read mine in a book.
today, lashonda was missing. and suzie showed up with a new person. we will call her petunia (that's right, like porky pig's girlfriend).
the fire alarm sirens are being 'tested' today, so when we can't really sustain a normal conversation level with them in the hallway and me in my doorway (which is the typical custom), i ask if they'd like to come in.
i mean, come ON. now you KNOW i'm nice. nobody invites these people into their homes.
it was all normal and good, and here is basically how everything got out of control very quickly.
suzie: well, how do you know your science books are true? didn't you read them to learn science?
cq: yes, but their ideas are repeatable. that is, i can take any idea in there and demonstrate that it works. and that is how i have learned science. you start off in the books as a springboard, but you then validate big ideas by experimenting and showing yourself that they work.
petunia: well, you can do that with the bible, too.
cq: really? please go ahead and tell me what experiment i can perform to validate a portion of the bible.
suzie: well have you ever read the bible?
cq: not all of it. parts. but not nearly all. it's boring.
petunia: it is SO not boring! it's inspiring!
cq: well, you have the right to feel that way and i have the right to feel that it's boring. i'm sure some people find science books boring, and that's fine, too.
petunia: well you can prove things in the bible like with your science books.
cq: yeah, you said. how can you do that? i'd love to see it.
petunia: well, it's like... i mean... you know, you really just have to read it. it's like a puzzle. you need to see how all the little pieces it together to make one big picture.
cq: yeah. i'm sure. okay. thanks.
suzie: well, we can test it by seeing if the advice in it applies to ALL people, because then it would be from god.
cq: or it could be from a person who really wants people to be good to each other.
petunia: well if you were a secretary, and your boss told you to type up this memo, and you wrote it up, would those be your words, or his?
cq: they would be his words that i typed...
petunia: and thus god's words were delivered to us through man as secretary.
cq: but you can't know that. you can't ever really completely know anything. i mean, don't you think it's even possible that someone wrote a book in the bible just because life on earth is crappy and he wanted to make people feel better about it?
petunia: no. absolutely not.
cq: see, i have a problem with 'absolutely not.' i think it's very troublesome to speak so confidently about the impossibility of something.
petunia: well, you just have to read the whole thing, and then you'd see.
then we get into a conversation about whether the world is getting better. they ask if the world is getting better, and i say in some respects, yes, it is. petunia was upset because apparently the answer to this question should have maybe involved the words "hell" and "handbasket." she tries to demonstrate for me that the world is actually much, much worse.
petunia: there are wars, diseases, kids bringing guns to school, murders, drugs...
cq: sure, well, when you put it like that...
somehow they talked about dying and stuff and i mentioned that i didn't believe people had to die but they could live forever if they wanted to. they misunderstood. they thought i meant some afterlife thing. nope, i mean, really, people don't have to die. i told them i think the reasons that people die can be overcome. i said people usually choose to die.
petunia: so people choose to get cancer?
cq: no, people choose to DIE from cancer.
petunia: you think you can live forever? for real?
cq: i said i just think it's possible that the reasons people die can be overcome. i think people get tired and bored so they give up, and die. and i also think we are expected to die. so we do. because everyone else has.
petunia: well i don't have to die.
cq: so you can live forever, then.
petunia: i believe i will live forever in the afterlife that god has created for us.
cq: well, that's nice. that's not what i mean, though.
and so basically i explain again and petunia, that's right, porky pig's girlfriend, LAUGHS AT ME. and the follows up with "i don't mean to laugh, but... you certainly have some interesting ideas."
cq: and so do you, but i'm not laughing at you. and i'm certainly not going to laugh at you in your own home, after being invited in after an unsolicited knock at the door. one might perceive such a thing as incredibly rude.
and so i am angry with petunia. should she show up again, i will ask her how she thinks she can fit in the eternal life. i mean, according to her own religion, 2,000 souls is the capcity of heaven. i'm sure more than 2,000 people have died before her. how will she prove to god that she is better, and that he should eject someone to make room for her? and how does she know that her spot is forever secure, that no other better soul will come along and have HER booted as she may have done to someone else?
bleh. i don't believe in god, and you do. fine. but don't laugh at me. that's rude. and besides, your idea is no less laughable than mine. at least i didn't read mine in a book.
6-week checkup
today i went in for my 6-week checkup. i lost 14 lbs! ten to go to pre-pregnancy weight... but who the hell is counting? i just want my "hot ass" jeans to fit again. so the doctor says "keep up the good work." hmm... my chef boyardee and strawberry milk diet seems to have worked well thus far.
anyway, we talked birth control. i'm thinking the IUD. J said we should use the spermicidal inserts but i don't trust us to actually use them. and obviously we are plenty fertile so i really don't want to take any chances. i'll talk to him about the IUD and see what he thinks. or maybe i should wait to see if insurance will cover it first... yeah, that would probably be smarter. don't want to get his hopes up for nothing.
anyway, we talked birth control. i'm thinking the IUD. J said we should use the spermicidal inserts but i don't trust us to actually use them. and obviously we are plenty fertile so i really don't want to take any chances. i'll talk to him about the IUD and see what he thinks. or maybe i should wait to see if insurance will cover it first... yeah, that would probably be smarter. don't want to get his hopes up for nothing.
Monday, March 27, 2006
easter bunny
i went to a crap mall that didn't have an easter bunny. then i called another crap mall that also did not have an easter bunny. finally, we drove out to the Big Mall to see the dammit easter bunny.
in line, i had to yell at some kid's parents because the kid was climbing up the side of alex's stroller and breathing all over her. what is wrong with people? keep your friggin snot-nosed kid away from my newborn.
anyway, enjoy the picture. we went through a lot to get it.
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