jehovah

i am always very kind and conversational to the jehovah's witnesses. they come around every so often, giving me things to read and reading me inspirational passages from the bible. i really don't mind. they are respectful and nice. the two that usually show up, that is. we will call them suzie and lashonda.

today, lashonda was missing. and suzie showed up with a new person. we will call her petunia (that's right, like porky pig's girlfriend).

the fire alarm sirens are being 'tested' today, so when we can't really sustain a normal conversation level with them in the hallway and me in my doorway (which is the typical custom), i ask if they'd like to come in.

i mean, come ON. now you KNOW i'm nice. nobody invites these people into their homes.

it was all normal and good, and here is basically how everything got out of control very quickly.

suzie: well, how do you know your science books are true? didn't you read them to learn science?

cq: yes, but their ideas are repeatable. that is, i can take any idea in there and demonstrate that it works. and that is how i have learned science. you start off in the books as a springboard, but you then validate big ideas by experimenting and showing yourself that they work.

petunia: well, you can do that with the bible, too.

cq: really? please go ahead and tell me what experiment i can perform to validate a portion of the bible.

suzie: well have you ever read the bible?

cq: not all of it. parts. but not nearly all. it's boring.

petunia: it is SO not boring! it's inspiring!

cq: well, you have the right to feel that way and i have the right to feel that it's boring. i'm sure some people find science books boring, and that's fine, too.

petunia: well you can prove things in the bible like with your science books.

cq: yeah, you said. how can you do that? i'd love to see it.

petunia: well, it's like... i mean... you know, you really just have to read it. it's like a puzzle. you need to see how all the little pieces it together to make one big picture.

cq: yeah. i'm sure. okay. thanks.

suzie: well, we can test it by seeing if the advice in it applies to ALL people, because then it would be from god.

cq: or it could be from a person who really wants people to be good to each other.

petunia: well if you were a secretary, and your boss told you to type up this memo, and you wrote it up, would those be your words, or his?

cq: they would be his words that i typed...

petunia: and thus god's words were delivered to us through man as secretary.

cq: but you can't know that. you can't ever really completely know anything. i mean, don't you think it's even possible that someone wrote a book in the bible just because life on earth is crappy and he wanted to make people feel better about it?

petunia: no. absolutely not.

cq: see, i have a problem with 'absolutely not.' i think it's very troublesome to speak so confidently about the impossibility of something.

petunia: well, you just have to read the whole thing, and then you'd see.

then we get into a conversation about whether the world is getting better. they ask if the world is getting better, and i say in some respects, yes, it is. petunia was upset because apparently the answer to this question should have maybe involved the words "hell" and "handbasket." she tries to demonstrate for me that the world is actually much, much worse.

petunia: there are wars, diseases, kids bringing guns to school, murders, drugs...

cq: sure, well, when you put it like that...

somehow they talked about dying and stuff and i mentioned that i didn't believe people had to die but they could live forever if they wanted to. they misunderstood. they thought i meant some afterlife thing. nope, i mean, really, people don't have to die. i told them i think the reasons that people die can be overcome. i said people usually choose to die.

petunia: so people choose to get cancer?

cq: no, people choose to DIE from cancer.

petunia: you think you can live forever? for real?

cq: i said i just think it's possible that the reasons people die can be overcome. i think people get tired and bored so they give up, and die. and i also think we are expected to die. so we do. because everyone else has.

petunia: well i don't have to die.

cq: so you can live forever, then.

petunia: i believe i will live forever in the afterlife that god has created for us.

cq: well, that's nice. that's not what i mean, though.

and so basically i explain again and petunia, that's right, porky pig's girlfriend, LAUGHS AT ME. and the follows up with "i don't mean to laugh, but... you certainly have some interesting ideas."

cq: and so do you, but i'm not laughing at you. and i'm certainly not going to laugh at you in your own home, after being invited in after an unsolicited knock at the door. one might perceive such a thing as incredibly rude.

and so i am angry with petunia. should she show up again, i will ask her how she thinks she can fit in the eternal life. i mean, according to her own religion, 2,000 souls is the capcity of heaven. i'm sure more than 2,000 people have died before her. how will she prove to god that she is better, and that he should eject someone to make room for her? and how does she know that her spot is forever secure, that no other better soul will come along and have HER booted as she may have done to someone else?

bleh. i don't believe in god, and you do. fine. but don't laugh at me. that's rude. and besides, your idea is no less laughable than mine. at least i didn't read mine in a book.

6-week checkup

today i went in for my 6-week checkup. i lost 14 lbs! ten to go to pre-pregnancy weight... but who the hell is counting? i just want my "hot ass" jeans to fit again. so the doctor says "keep up the good work." hmm... my chef boyardee and strawberry milk diet seems to have worked well thus far.

anyway, we talked birth control. i'm thinking the IUD. J said we should use the spermicidal inserts but i don't trust us to actually use them. and obviously we are plenty fertile so i really don't want to take any chances. i'll talk to him about the IUD and see what he thinks. or maybe i should wait to see if insurance will cover it first... yeah, that would probably be smarter. don't want to get his hopes up for nothing.

easter bunny

i went to a crap mall that didn't have an easter bunny. then i called another crap mall that also did not have an easter bunny. finally, we drove out to the Big Mall to see the dammit easter bunny.

in line, i had to yell at some kid's parents because the kid was climbing up the side of alex's stroller and breathing all over her. what is wrong with people? keep your friggin snot-nosed kid away from my newborn.

anyway, enjoy the picture. we went through a lot to get it.

gratuitous pix

i hate walmart

last night, J and i went out for dinner. it was at the restaurant he works at. it was very nice. afterward, he wanted to get chicken little (which was not good, by the way) so we went to wal*mart. i agreed to it because i needed baby wipes and a printer cartridge.

so, that's our shopping list. let's review:

• chicken little DVD
• baby wipes
• printer cartridge
• power steering fluid (the car made that sound on the way into the parking lot, so this got tacked onto the list as we headed in the door)

all in all, this should have been a grand total of about $50.

$172 later, we walked out with the above things AND:

• comforter set for will's bed (solar system and the stars glow in the dark!)
• twin sheets that match above, since the bed-in-a-bag neglected sheets
• matching pillow for above, shaped like saturn (also glows in the dark)
• brer rabbit DVD for will's easter basket
• 3 picture frames (one for us, 1 for each set of alex's grandparents)
• windbreaker / waterproof jacket for cq (didn't need it, tried to talk J out of it, he insisted, i gave up)

i think that was everything... i can't believe how fast we spent money in that hellhole. i am placing a ban on shopping with the husband for quite a while. when we are shopping together, we are spending enablers. alone, we both feel solitary guilt about spending too much. together, we say things like 'but you deserve this,' or 'it's a really good deal,' or 'but will is going to love it!'

and if you didn't know, will is J's son. he is 2.5 and turns 3 in august. he is awesome. but i guess you want a picture...

will:

fat baby

we got back from the doctor, and blogger is now cooperating...

alex is 8 lbs 3 oz and 20.5". she has gained 2.25 lbs since we took her home from the hospital! the doctor said she was a good baby, and obviously a good eater!

he said her getting up 2 - 3 hours is normal, even though he knows it sucks, but that we will be more scheduled in another month or two, so to hang in there.

a "good" night

of course, this is all relative.

last night was, comparatively, good.

she slept in her crib and got up at predictable 2.5 - 3 hour intervals.

and there was no screamfest. thank goodness.

this afternoon we go to the doctor so we can get her exact measurements of fattitude.

what a bad night

alex fed around 11:30 pm, then proceeded to cry on the top of her lungs for the next 4 hours straight. there was nothing we could do. she didn't want to eat. we changed her diaper. changed her clothes. took her temperature. gave her gas drops. nothing. she just cried and cried. J had her for the first two hours while i pretended anyone can actually sleep with a screaming baby in the house and then we traded for the last two. i finally put her in her swing and let her cry. she cried and screamed louder than she's ever been in her short life for about ten minutes, and i cried while i sat watching her, and then she tired out and finally fell asleep.

i have no idea what was wrong with her. J says she was 'just being a baby. they have good nights and they have bad nights.' i hope tonight is a good night, then.

so, yeah. i'm tired.

happy st. patrick's day!

first night in the crib

wow... we had a pretty good night!

having the baby in her own room was a big stress-reliever for me. i had the baby monitor near me and on low volume, and i didn't worry nearly as much as usual that she would wake J up. so i even got to let her fuss and cry a little before i went to get her.

he got up a half hour early, of his own volition, and said he had the best night of sleep since she's been born. :) yay!

and i felt better beause i didn't have to tiptoe around to tend to her. and she didn't seem to give a shit that she was asleep somewhere else. like that should be surprising. she sleeps through everything. (in 2-3 hour increments, of course)

the baby is driving us crazy

we keep on going back and forth over what to do. is she spoiled? i keep reading that it's not possible to spoil a baby (read: hold it too much) its first few months. yet, alex will not go to bed at night (after her 10 pm feeding) unless she is held until she falls asleep.

usually she cries when she's hungry. i'd venture a guess that 90% of the time she cries, it's because she's hungry. the other 10% is because she's spit up and now her clothes are wet, or she needs a new diaper. but usually just because she's hungry. and we are so stupid we never learn. we keep saying things like, "she can't be hungry... she just ate an hour ago." then fifteen minutes later, she's sucking on anything that comes near her mouth and we say, "well... maybe she is hungry..." duh.

so, anyway... J and i agreed last night that the 10 pm holding thing has to stop. so we agree to put her down in her bed and let her cry a while. i tell J it could take like a half hour. he says no way. she is so tired, she will stop after like 10 min. well... 20 min later and he's telling me he can't take it any more, it hurts, he's going to get her. i say please give her another 10. he says absolutely not, and goes and gets her. starts talking about forcing her to "quit cold turkey." i stifle laughter and feign seriousness. he holds her another 15 min, and we figure out, you guessed it, she was hungry. *again*. it was like an hour later. duh again. *sigh*

this AM she's crying and won't go back to bed after the 5:30 feeding. J says she's spoiled, we are picking her up too fast, etc. the latter, i agree. i get her too fast in the night because a) i know she's waking up to eat, so why make her suffer? and b) i don't want her to wake HIM up. but i can't agree with spoiled. she's too little. she can't know yet.

so i told him i would wash all her crib stuff today so she could move in there. which is fine with me because then i'll be able to let her cry a bit more like i really want to do in the first place without worrying so much that she will keep him awake.

so, alex is going to be sleeping in her crib starting tonight. we'll see how long this lasts. i'm not even going to consider folding up the pack n play because her dad is such a pile of mush that she will probably whine tonight and he will go get her and put her in our bed if the pack n play is away.

anyway now i'm rambling so i guess i'll just go back to bed. incidentally, when she wouldn't sleep after the 5:30, it was because she was (still?) hungry. i think she falls asleep before she's done eating. i don't know how to fix that, though.

8 lb baby pix

hello. per request from puffy, here are baby pix:






Alex in her new favorite thing: her baby swing,
doing her favorite thing: sleeping.









Alex hanging out on her boppy pillow...

Alex and cq

fat, fat baby

hello. today i want to tell you that i have a fat, fat baby. she is now 8 lbs. that is 2 lbs gain in the 3 weeks she has been here. and she also has grown about a half inch! she's 20"!

and another good thing about the baby is when i take her out and everyone says how cute she is and how much hair she has and how pretty her skin is and how good she is for just sleeping and not crying. :)

my states map

i stole this from bob who stole it from iggy

please notice my immense affinity for the coasts and absolute ignoring of all the middle states:

and didn't steal the countries one because i've only been to a handful (france, spain, switzerland, andorra).

one good thing

okay, i found it...

the thing. well, one thing.

one thing that is super good is when she is all fed and getting cozy to sleep and nuzzles her face into my neck. it's freakin cute.

i don't know if it makes it *all* worth it, but it's cute enough to at least help a *little*.

parenting is hard and unfun

for the record, i don't actually hate the baby. i love her. it was a bad night for us. she got up very often and fussed a whole lot every time she went back to bed. the combination of not having adequately slept since she was born (or before that, even, because of the heartburn!) plus worrying about why she was so fussy sent me right into horrible tears. J had 3 exams this morning, so i didn't want to wake him up to help. there wasn't anything he could really do, anyway.

being a parent is friggin HARD. and she's just being a normal baby. wow this is going to suck a lot when she's sick or teething. all i could think of last night was how little good there is about this so far. no sleep (and i LOVE sleep so i miss it dearly), dirty diapers, sore nipples... in the wee hours of the night it's hard to remember anything that makes this all worthwhile.

i wish i could follow this up with 'and then...' something happened and 'i knew it was all worth it.' there's just nothing good about a newborn. i feel like a bad person. i love That Baby. it's just so hard.

here i am, bloggers!

welcome to the first post of my new blog. yes, of course i had to have teal font.

anyway, it occured to me this morning at around 1 AM as i was hysterically crying in the bathroom that i should update my blog. but then i thought how terrible to have the first entry be along the lines of 'i hate the baby,' so i didn't do it.

then i was poking around the OT and ended up finding a list of everyone's blogs, so i started reading them, and then reconsidered my blog update decision.

so, here we are.