jehovah

i am always very kind and conversational to the jehovah's witnesses. they come around every so often, giving me things to read and reading me inspirational passages from the bible. i really don't mind. they are respectful and nice. the two that usually show up, that is. we will call them suzie and lashonda.

today, lashonda was missing. and suzie showed up with a new person. we will call her petunia (that's right, like porky pig's girlfriend).

the fire alarm sirens are being 'tested' today, so when we can't really sustain a normal conversation level with them in the hallway and me in my doorway (which is the typical custom), i ask if they'd like to come in.

i mean, come ON. now you KNOW i'm nice. nobody invites these people into their homes.

it was all normal and good, and here is basically how everything got out of control very quickly.

suzie: well, how do you know your science books are true? didn't you read them to learn science?

cq: yes, but their ideas are repeatable. that is, i can take any idea in there and demonstrate that it works. and that is how i have learned science. you start off in the books as a springboard, but you then validate big ideas by experimenting and showing yourself that they work.

petunia: well, you can do that with the bible, too.

cq: really? please go ahead and tell me what experiment i can perform to validate a portion of the bible.

suzie: well have you ever read the bible?

cq: not all of it. parts. but not nearly all. it's boring.

petunia: it is SO not boring! it's inspiring!

cq: well, you have the right to feel that way and i have the right to feel that it's boring. i'm sure some people find science books boring, and that's fine, too.

petunia: well you can prove things in the bible like with your science books.

cq: yeah, you said. how can you do that? i'd love to see it.

petunia: well, it's like... i mean... you know, you really just have to read it. it's like a puzzle. you need to see how all the little pieces it together to make one big picture.

cq: yeah. i'm sure. okay. thanks.

suzie: well, we can test it by seeing if the advice in it applies to ALL people, because then it would be from god.

cq: or it could be from a person who really wants people to be good to each other.

petunia: well if you were a secretary, and your boss told you to type up this memo, and you wrote it up, would those be your words, or his?

cq: they would be his words that i typed...

petunia: and thus god's words were delivered to us through man as secretary.

cq: but you can't know that. you can't ever really completely know anything. i mean, don't you think it's even possible that someone wrote a book in the bible just because life on earth is crappy and he wanted to make people feel better about it?

petunia: no. absolutely not.

cq: see, i have a problem with 'absolutely not.' i think it's very troublesome to speak so confidently about the impossibility of something.

petunia: well, you just have to read the whole thing, and then you'd see.

then we get into a conversation about whether the world is getting better. they ask if the world is getting better, and i say in some respects, yes, it is. petunia was upset because apparently the answer to this question should have maybe involved the words "hell" and "handbasket." she tries to demonstrate for me that the world is actually much, much worse.

petunia: there are wars, diseases, kids bringing guns to school, murders, drugs...

cq: sure, well, when you put it like that...

somehow they talked about dying and stuff and i mentioned that i didn't believe people had to die but they could live forever if they wanted to. they misunderstood. they thought i meant some afterlife thing. nope, i mean, really, people don't have to die. i told them i think the reasons that people die can be overcome. i said people usually choose to die.

petunia: so people choose to get cancer?

cq: no, people choose to DIE from cancer.

petunia: you think you can live forever? for real?

cq: i said i just think it's possible that the reasons people die can be overcome. i think people get tired and bored so they give up, and die. and i also think we are expected to die. so we do. because everyone else has.

petunia: well i don't have to die.

cq: so you can live forever, then.

petunia: i believe i will live forever in the afterlife that god has created for us.

cq: well, that's nice. that's not what i mean, though.

and so basically i explain again and petunia, that's right, porky pig's girlfriend, LAUGHS AT ME. and the follows up with "i don't mean to laugh, but... you certainly have some interesting ideas."

cq: and so do you, but i'm not laughing at you. and i'm certainly not going to laugh at you in your own home, after being invited in after an unsolicited knock at the door. one might perceive such a thing as incredibly rude.

and so i am angry with petunia. should she show up again, i will ask her how she thinks she can fit in the eternal life. i mean, according to her own religion, 2,000 souls is the capcity of heaven. i'm sure more than 2,000 people have died before her. how will she prove to god that she is better, and that he should eject someone to make room for her? and how does she know that her spot is forever secure, that no other better soul will come along and have HER booted as she may have done to someone else?

bleh. i don't believe in god, and you do. fine. but don't laugh at me. that's rude. and besides, your idea is no less laughable than mine. at least i didn't read mine in a book.